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By The Numbers: 50 Cent didn't kill New York Hip-Hop, but did Kanye and Ebro?

Regardless of how vehemently you defend the 5 boroughs (and Jersey), the East Coast hip-hop hub that birthed the genre hasn't been ...

Every Australian Lolly, Ranked



61. Eucalyptus Drops

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Awful things, truly horrid. I use eucalyptus to clean up aim issues in my bathroom, not to put in my mouth. 

60. Chicos 
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So the Polly Waffle is discontinued but these live on?

59. Soothers / Butter Menthol

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Don't think these are lollies? Check the nutritional table. 92% sugar. What a bloody waste. Everyone knows that you eat ice cream to ease a sore throat, or take codeine. These are woeful.


58. Warheads / Sour Worms / Sour Belts / Sour Strawberry Bricks


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Sweet and Sour works with deep fried fish, but not in a hard candy. I used to eat these as a pre-teen like everyone else, but I moved on. We all lose our innocence eventually.

57. Apple Rings
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Look, if I wanted a Granny Smith apple I'd buy a packet of green Skittles. 


56. Redskin

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Hard, annoyingly chewy, gets stuck in your teeth, and just doesn't even taste good. Anything that is 55% sugar should be delicious. 


55. Candy Cane

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What redeeming quality does this have? It's minty, so you can't eat it before Christmas lunch. It's also as hard as a math test, so you bite into one after lunch and spend the next 3 hours, time you could be napping or debating your drunk family members about Trump, picking it out of your teeth. Worst seasonal food in existence, even worse than fruit cake.

54. Toffee
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There are two types of these "toffees", these and the Eclairs. These are not good, not good at all. They're about as fun as a chaperoned date, or a trip to the dentist, which is ironic because biting into one of these will quickly remove any and all filling you have in your teeth.

53. Pineapple Lumps

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Even chocolate can't save pineapple.

52. Fads

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Someone will have to explain these to me because I've never eaten one. I just know they used to be called something much worse. 

51. Minties
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They really aren't very good. It's basically chewable toothpaste, except toothpaste is good for your teeth.


50.  Gummi Bears/Wine Gums/Trolli Mini Burger and Pizza/Jelly Babies
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Another kind of food we're expected to like, that isn't actually very good. The sugar is just too much. It's chewy and feels unsatisfying, and they made my jaw act in weird ways, chewing harder and faster than normal. Props for being inventive with the Gummi Pizza etc, but that is their only redeeming quality.

49. Kopiko Coffee Candy


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We used to eat these like skittles in high school. 


48. Candy Corn
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Eh. The Americans can have these. 

47. Milko


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I like the idea of a Milko, but the texture is too chewy and hard. I'd much prefer a milk bottle. 

46. Wizz Fizz
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Legit may as well just grab a spoon and a bag of sugar. Even the kid on the packet looks like he's one spoonful away from the emergency department.  



45.  Lollipop
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The thing about sugar is you want to stuff it all in your mouth at once. Patience is not the key attribute of the sugar junky. A lollipop is an extended release sugar pill, at least until you inevitably get bored of it and try to bite down, only to cut your gums up as punishment for your impatience.


44. Bananas
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Always left behind in a mixed bag. Not terrible, but there is high-quality to come. 


43. Sherbies
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They have a semi-soft texture that is quite nice, but they're just way too sweet. It's like Wizz Fizz in pill form.


42. Fruit Tingles / Fizzy Lollies / Pez


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The only great thing about Pez is the Pez dispenser. They're gritty and unlovable.


41. Zappo / fruit chew / Starburst

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I know people love these, but truthfully I never got the appeal. Some of the flavours seem really exciting, but they almost always fail to taste as vivid or exciting as you'd like.


40. Boiled Lolly (Humbugs, Ribbons, Bullseye, Rock Candy) 

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Doesn't sound terribly appetising, about as good a combination as a steamed ham. But they taste pretty decent considering they look like you placed your testicles in the Shin-O-Ball-O at your local bowling alley. 

39. Lifesavers

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Snuck ahead of the lollipop because of that mint-like one that is a really nice texture to chew. Maybe they call them Lifesavers because it takes so long to eat them you never consume dangerous levels of sugar? 


38. Mentos
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Nowhere near as exciting as the ones above it on this list: no kids are clamouring for the Mentos showbag come Easter. They're as dull as a school assembly.


37. Clinkers
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Mum and I used to be able to dominate a bag of Clinkers in younger days. Now, I'd much prefer a lolly that doesn't feel like I am chewing on a pumus stone.

36. Ears

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They aren't nearly as sour as the warheads, which makes them really quite nice. There is a hint of sour, like you can just hear it off in the distance. 


35. Assorted Misfits (Pineapples, Peaches and Cream, Racing Cars, Jungle Stretchies, Sea Stretchies, Black Cats)

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An assortment of Allen's lollies that really don't deserve their own individual ranking. Most of them are inferior versions of other lollies, such as the Peaches and Cream. Usually just fodder for the mixed lolly bags. 

34. Butterscotch


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Pretty good run to make it this high. These aren't too sweet, they're actually quite lovely to suck on. Best thing is, you never have to buy a packet in your life, because every single old lady you meet will offer you one. I went to a 90th birthday once and calculated I accepted $412 worth of Werther's Original. 

33. Gobstopper
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Get it? Like a door stopper, but for your gob. I love these, I used to make them last hours back in the day. 

32. Cola Bottles


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They look and sound way cooler than they taste. They're not incredible, but not as bad as a Chico. The original coke bottle is better tasting.


31. Frogs
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I waited as long as I could to drag the red frog. I don't like them. They're too chewy, the taste isn't very good, they have none of the charm of their green brethren, they just sit in the middle of the pack. They're overhyped. Lucky some companies still make the green frog, a very sturdy and strong offering. If it weren't for the green variety this would be in the bottom 15.


30. Fizzer


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Apparently, they are similar to Taffy, and if so, I'd like to get to know Taffy.


29. Cobbers


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Related to the Fantale, the Cobber has a harder caramel centre and just a touch more chocolate on the surround. They've got more longevity on the suck than the Fantale, but beware the person who bites into one unprepared...

28. Skittles
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The problem with Skittles is there are really only two colours that are universally liked: dark purple (grape) and red (strawberry). Only weirdos like green apple, orange you can take or leave, and no-one likes lemon, period. The "Wild Berry" pack is much better, but still too sweet and a little too gritty. 


27. Liquorice Sticks (Twizzlers, Choo Choo Bars)


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They don't dissolve in your mouth the way liquorice allsorts do, but they're liquorice just the same, and if you loathe it you'll loathe these. I love them. 


26. Nerds
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We all loved Nerds as a kid, they were the most exciting lolly available until we discovered the popping candy Freddo Frog. Remember how they came with two flavours, one on each side? And you could slide the cardboard and take "swigs" during lunchtime? Couldn't eat them in class though, they made so much noise.

25. Liquorice Allsorts
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You probably remember these as the only thing that could be classified as an edible lolly at your grandparent's house. You might have been disappointed, but not me. I devoured liquorice of all shapes and sizes. I feel like liquorice is well overdue a comeback, it was popping off when cassettes were cool and cassettes are cool again. I guarantee if I raid my grandmother's pantry tomorrow I'd find some of these from the mid-90s. 


24. Musk Sticks
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Such a distinct taste and smell, musk. Just as it's unfathomable that Cold Chisel weren't successful overseas, it doesn't make sense why the musk stick remains primarily confined to Australia and New Zealand, because it is delish. 


23. Jersey Caramel
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Soft pillows of caramel... Oh gosh.

22. Glace Fruit
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Definitely not fruit, definitely a lolly. Of course, we all love the glace cherry, but what of the others? If it were just the cherry I daresay this would be top 5, but a glace apricot? Orange? Pineapple slice? Eh. I've had a glace kiwi fruit and it's not drop-dead gorgeous. 


21. Eclairs


The more talented sibling, the eclair is so smooth and delicious it has its own Tinder profile. Biting into one, you'll experience a whisper of a crunch, before the caramel spreads around your palate. Very very nice. As good as a real Eclair? No. Not quite.


20. Bullets
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Liquorice covered in chocolate, as if the Mint Slice biscuit wasn't already enough proof God exists


19. Kool Mints / Kool Fruits
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Legendary run for a mint not covered in chocolate. A Kool mint/fruit is a delicious prospect. It looks like it will be as tasty as a Mintie, but it isn't as strong, it doesn't get all stuck in your teeth, and they're the perfect thing to pop in your mouth and enjoy during a test or an episode of KUWTK. 


18. Fantales
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The Fantale is flawed, but it makes up for those flaws by some weird chocolate alchemy. They look like a Mars Bar with the nougat removed, but they're much more complex than that. As this picture shows, they can run the gamut from chewy and soft to hard and crunchy, depending on temperature, age, and mysterious factors we know not of. But the chocolate is delicious! Sweet, but not overpowering, and rich. Plus they have cool facts on every wrapper.


17. Jaffas
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So I learned recently there are people who genuinely dislike the combination of orange and chocolate, and it was like learning that people pay to watch Amy Schumer: I was shocked and appalled that this was going on in society. There is nothing better than a Jaffa and a decent movie. 


16. Snakes
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Ripping the head off a snake is one of life's greatest joys. Absolutely delicious!


15.  Killer Python

I am not even going to put a picture up, because none of these pics I am seeing do it justice. They have apparently downsized the Killer Python, which is a terrible crime. The Python I knew was so thick it was actually heavy. It was huge, it'd take at least half an hour to consume. The transition between flavours was something to behold. You are missed, RIP.

14. Raspberries 


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I don't think they're the same as the red frog. These are delicious, more related to the melt-in-your-mouth Jube.

13. Marshmallows
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There is literally nothing wrong with a marshmallow, and it is, inexplicably, one of the only things I could make from scratch that wasn't a total disaster. Toasting marshmallows around a camp fire is one of life's great tiny little joys, and the older you get the more important these become. 


12. Clouds
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If I were being hyper-critical, I'd say a cloud is a bit too sweet. It is covered in sugar, which really can induce guilt when you crunch down on it if you haven't an organised conscience. 


11. Smarties / M&Ms
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IMO it goes: Smarties > Peanut M&Ms > Dark Chocolate M&Ms > Original M&Ms > Crispy.


10. Teeth
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It makes my blood run cold just thinking about eating teeth, yet I will eat teeth lollies until the end of my days. So soft, so delicious. 

9. Snow Balls


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Choc-coated marshmallow with coconut on top. These just work so well, the ingredients are made for each other, like Shane Warne and a qwerty keyboard. 

8. Strawberries & Cream
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Better than the thing it's named after. 


7. Milk Bottle
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Pascall point out on their website that these aren't to be confused with real milk bottles... Right.

6. Chocolate Money


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What is better than a 50 cent coin? One you can eat! Chocolate money is inextricably linked to my youth, and even now I find it hard not to pick up a net at The Reject Shop. I'd trade all my shrapnel in for chocolae equivalents. 

5. Jubes
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How can Jubes be so high when Wine Gums and Gummi are so low? Don't ask me, I didn't invent the Jube. I just know the Jube has the perfect texture, perfect amount of sweetness, and a flavour that isn't overpowering. Plus it's a fun word to say. 

4. Aniseed Rings / Balls
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Aniseed is bloody delicious. Wrapped in chocolate and it's divine. 


3. Buds (Caramel, White Choc, Choc, Peppermint, Carob) / Chocolate Money


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I used to eat these religiously as a kid. I learned a mixed bag of buds is common but not always advisable. They're all very unique, this isn't like a bag of Skittles. The caramel is quite strong, but it doesn't taste like out-and-out caramel, more like a blend of caramel and vanilla. White choc buds genuinely taste like vanilla, while standard choc buds have a really nice crunch and snap to them that the others don't. I could ramble for weeks about buds. 

2. Jelly Beans
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I feel like the Jelly Bean doesn't get the credit it deserves. When I was a kid they were ubiquitous, but I see less and less of them the older I get. Are kids just not eating them? Why not? They look like mini dinosaur eggs made out of sugar, there is not a single bad thing about the Jelly Bean. Yes, even the black one. 

1. Freckles

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How do you top the chocolate bud? Put sprinkles on it! Surely this is the greatest lolly of all time, that crunch! 

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